I Wonder... does illness manifest from negative thinking?
Those who go through trauma, especially in childhood are so much more likely to develop chronic health issues, my doctor recently told me. The link makes sense, but I don’t agree we manifest our own illnesses from negative thinking, like the new-age movement preaches. What an awful way to further alienate those who are suffering!
Yet emotional pain has to go somewhere.
I grew up uncomfortable with severe, agonising feelings. I learnt to shove them away because no one wanted to hear them - or didn’t know how to handle them. Probably too busy with the morass of their own.
I never had a class at school called How To Manage Emotions. How about you?
Without an outlet, the pent up energy has a very real impact on the body and brain. It’s like a double whammy. The initial trauma. Then the self-inflicted trauma of constantly facing feelings too strong to handle. When it perpetuates over a lifetime, it becomes a chronic state of being frozen in flight or fight. This has a sustained physiological impact.
Change became a courageous stand against a monster I had in my own head, full of harsh judgement, cruel blame, and that sought my punishment. For what crimes? Being human (hence, sometimes weak and vulnerable)?
Learning to win the battle against the tidal wave of fearful, intense reactions isn’t about mere “positive thinking”. It’s got nothing to do with thoughts in your head. It requires us to stop running from how we feel in our bodies!
It makes me wonder if all my self-sabotage, low self-esteem, harmful habits, and yes, illness too stems from not being comfortable with my own being, in essence with who I am inside.
The enquiry of who is really in control of my fate requires letting go of trying to control what’s ‘out there’.
Perhaps the way to heal the heart and mind, if not the body as well, is with love from the inside. To become my own safe space. I can’t change the harm the outside world does to me, (like invading germs, nasty people, global pandemics etc) but I can stop harming myself.
And... find ways to FEEL good.
What will be your one act to stop being abusive to yourself today?
Give up a harsh self-judgement?
Do something you love and enjoy?
Forgive a mistake you made?
Create something unique to you?
Keep in touch!